Welp, another week, hey my loves! I hope you’ve had an eventful week. I sure have. I am currently amidst a pandemic of asking people “what’s your favourite colour”. It’s summer, hotties. Anyways, that’s gossip for another day, ahaha. Today I’ve got something that might just change your life. It changed mine.
Many women spend their 20s criticising themselves in mirrors, wearing clothes that hide and don’t highlight, and taking pictures that never get posted. One month ago, I had a sudden realisation: what if the work isn’t about changing how you look, but retraining how you see yourself? So I tried it, and journaled the process, and learnt so much! Here we go?
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June 5th 2025
To my future self <this is just how I start all my journal entries>,
I really want to be a girl who wears just a bra and leggings to the gym! When will I graduate? I’ve been in the gym for 4 years now, and I can’t do it. Honestly, I just think my body is disproportionate, and it won’t look as cool as when the gym girls do it. What I don’t get is, my fear of looking fat lol. It must be an internal thing because I see girls that may be deemed bigger than me, and they look FABULOUS, it’s like they’re glowing. Is it a confidence thing? Should I try it? Maybe I need some self-rejection therapy.
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June 6th 2025
To my future self,
I did it omg, I bought a new Adanola gym set. I went to a new pilates class and I thought it would be perfect because no one knows me there. If I never come back, I’ll never see them again. The top was strappy and cropped, so a lot of my top half was out. Pilates is not for the weak, so a lot of the time I was distracted by actually trying to get the workout done, BUT I’m not going to lie, I hated it. I was constantly pulling the top down, there was a lot of stretching involved. Nothing to hide my ass, you know I’ve been trying to hide it for the last 7 years, I felt like every eye was on me. I really hope this is worth it!
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June 12th 2025
To my future self,
I think I might share these entries with the blog because it’s actually interesting, to me anyway. Today was my first Thursday in gym topless lol. I really threw myself in the deep end. No top, and I went to the sauna in a swimsuit. Who is she? You would think I was out of the country, the audacity. Bare legs and boobies. It wasn’t so bad today. A lot of toning to do, but I think seeing my true body in the harsh gym lighting and as I lifted in the mirror made me work harder. It was so unsettling.
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June 13th 2025
To my future self,
I need to relax on the sauna. It was criminally hot today, so I left the gym with trousers over my one-piece swimsuit. Yes, no bra. Extra, maybe, but it looked a bit like a body suit. I have never felt so liberated. The sun was shining, my shades were on, and I felt HOT. Everyone was looking at me, but maybe because I looked so good? The arms that once gave me stress were now casually swaying to the rhythm of my hips and with a phone in one hand. Are these my feral years? There is no better feeling than being young, hot and sexy, and you know it!
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June 24th 2025
To my future self,
I completely forgot to check in with the whole self-rejection therapy thing. It’s become the norm. It might help that London is hotter, but WOW. I now choose to dress up and have my arms and legs out. Picking up the shorts instead of long trousers and the halter tops over the short-sleeved stretchy tees. I love it here. I realised these are not the years to waste feeling like s*it, these are MY YEARS. I’ve been to the gym a few times now, all topless. I am good here. I am used to it, seeing myself and being around other people. Is this the cheat code?
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Current me again Hi!!
As daunting as it was, there was light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t need to earn your skin; you already live in it. Love yourself a little more, if you don’t fake it. Hiding reinforces shame, but exposure heals it.
You are NOT a problem to solve, absolutely no one but your haters benefits from you hating yourself. You will miss this body one day. Try desensitising yourself to yourself today. You are a gorgeous girl; you just need more confidence.
Use this week to, WEAR THE DAMN TANK TOP!!!
With Love,
-JK xox