image @rensworld7 (pinterest)
Hello Readers,
Happy Monday!
This topic is so interesting to me. As someone who struggles to be a ‘damsel in distress’. It is so hard for me to submit to the idea that sometimes, I need help. The way I felt was translating through all aspects of my life, including my wardrobe. Discovering this part of myself is an active decision I decided to make over the past months and here’s how I am navigating stepping into my own definition of femininity.
When I did research into what being feminine means I found references to being gentle and also the idea of what it traditionally means to be a woman. This is subjective to different cultures, countries, religions and life experiences but generally covers; grace, empathy, sensitivity and the ability to nurture.
However, deciding to get in touch with your feminine side does not make you any less or more of a woman, it’s a choice. A choice I made because I did not like how my image was translating. I felt like I was pushing that I’m strong and I can do everything myself, which I absolutely can but I don’t want to and that’s okay. Separately, I wanted to be able to feel comfortable in more feminine clothing, like dresses, skirts and heels. I got very comfortable in oversized clothing, loungewear and although I still love oversized clothing, it’s not what I wanted to wear and eventually I started to feel uncomfortable in it.
The first step I took was making more of a conscious effort to look good every time I left the house. I am a ‘monthly maintenance babe’ but this never really included my hair. I started doing my hair regularly and it has absolutely altered the way I feel. Self-care has such a huge effect on how we feel about ourselves, and this includes exercise. I also realised that the more I got my hair done, people’s perception of me started to change.
I ditched the jeans. My go-to outfit was always jeans and blazers. I love this look but it did not do anything for my body shape and I was so used to it. I forgot how it feels to wear a dress or literally anything else. I set myself the goal to stay away from this outfit on a night out. At KWEZI we are so big on the messages your clothes are sending, and a blazer is business attire and actually quite closed off and serious, combined with the jeans it is just lot. It felt like I was just hiding in my clothes. Your comfort outfit may be different, and there is nothing wrong with blazers, I still wear them all the time but connecting with my femininity for me, included steering away from this outfit combination.
Lastly, the biggest thing was allowing myself to be helped. To be honest, I am still not at the place where I can ask for help but when I am put in the situation to be offered help, I take it. In the beginning I would take the help and always try to return the favour because, in my head, nothing in this life comes for free. You may have to return the favour some day but you don’t have to do it immediately, just because you feel vulnerable. I also found myself using distraction tactics to make the situation less awkward for me. I tackled this by just allowing myself to be in the moment, especially when it comes to a man helping you, it’s difficult. As someone who grew up around a lot of women it is a hard transition but sort of relaxing. There is beauty in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It cancelled all my stereotypical assumptions that I would feel like I am now in this box where I feel over sexualised, by my outfit choices, and weak.
This is my journey, when on yours, you need to discover what femininity means to you, what makes you feel the most gentle and in touch with your feelings. This is different for everyone, there is no cookie-cut definition of what being feminine means. I hope if you feel like I felt you explore your options and know that you can be it all and it doesn’t change who you are and your values.
Let me know how it goes, use this week to be feminine by doing whatever that means to you!
-With Love,
JK x